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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29132442">Light On</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctornineandthreequarters/pseuds/doctornineandthreequarters'>doctornineandthreequarters</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>9-1-1 Prompts and Drabbles [45]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Established Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Established Relationship, Evan "Buck" Buckley Had a Bad Childhood, Insecure Evan "Buck" Buckley, M/M, Soft Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:47:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,659</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29132442</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctornineandthreequarters/pseuds/doctornineandthreequarters</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s not that Buck was afraid of the dark. He could handle darkness on a call, when they needed to use the lights on their helmets or they had to grab an extra flashlight or glowstick. The darkness when he was awake and keeping himself busy, he could handle that. </p>
<p>He just hated it when he tried to go to sleep. </p>
<p>---</p>
<p>Or, the first time Buck sleeps over at Eddie's, he's worried that some details about himself will ruin everything.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>9-1-1 Prompts and Drabbles [45]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1878523</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>467</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Light On</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Prompt Buck had a bad childhood and is now afraid to sleep in the dark. When he stays with Eddie he is worried that Eddie will laugh at him.</p>
<p>So, I'm not the only person who received this prompt. And I don't know how I feel about that. But I did like this story and still wanted to publish it.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It’s not that Buck was afraid of the dark. He could handle darkness on a call, when they needed to use the lights on their helmets or they had to grab an extra flashlight or glowstick. The darkness when he was awake and keeping himself busy, he could handle that. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He just hated it when he tried to go to sleep. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When he was younger, sleeping the dark meant lying there in absolute nothingness while his parents argued endlessly. Sleeping in the dark meant hearing their anger and disapproval shift towards him; because he wasn’t the son they expected, because maybe they shouldn't have had a second kid to begin with. Sleeping in the dark meant trying to suck it up, to not seem so weak, to not run to Maddie every time a shadow scared him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was Maddie who said it was okay to sleep with a light on. It was Maddie who would sit up with him all night if she had to, making sure he was okay. It was Maddie who said that even if she wasn’t there, he could leave the light on as a reminder that he was safe. So even when she was gone, when she left him alone (once for college and then again when she got married) in that house of nightmares, he slept with the light on. And it wasn’t perfect, but it was enough. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He still slept with a light on, usually a lamp. Abby had never said anything about it, since her mother tended to sleep with the TV on. Ali never explicitly said anything, just gave him a look and usually waited until he was asleep before she turned the lamp off. In the bunks at work, Buck was grateful for the blackout dividers, shielding the fact that he would turn on his phone flashlight to escape the darkness. Because Buck was sure everyone would tease him for wanting a light on while he slept. His college roommate had. His parents had. So why would it be any different now?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey.” Buck looked over at Eddie, who was sitting next to him on the couch. His voice was barely above a whisper, since Christopher was in between them, fast asleep against Eddie’s side. “It’s late. You can stay over if you want.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are...are you sure?” A slight blush crept up Eddie’s cheeks and he nodded. They had been dating for a little while now. And since Buck was trying so hard not to screw up one of the best things in his life, he hadn’t pushed too many boundaries. Dates ended at the door with long kisses and lusty looks from Eddie that made Buck want to throw all caution to the wind. There had been an evening when they had gotten a little hot and heavy on the couch, but Buck had forced himself to have some self-control and go home. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So, he hadn’t stayed over Eddie’s house since they started dating. Because staying over now meant sleeping in Eddie’s bed, which meant explaining why he’d want a lamp on, and ultimately dealing with the embarrassment that came with it. He was sure Eddie was going to give him a weird look or send him home. Or worse, he was going to mock him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m just going to put Chris down,” Eddie said, not noticing Buck’s hesitation. Buck just nodded as Eddie got up, scooping Christopher up with him. Once he was gone, Buck let out a breath, running his hands nervously over his pants. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. Maybe it would be better if Buck went home. Maybe he needed to get past this stupid fear before he shared a bed with Eddie. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He didn’t have time to chicken out, as Eddie was back in the living room as quickly as he left. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Chris is down for the count,” Eddie said, a small smile on his face. “Must’ve been worn out from chasing you around in the backyard.” Buck smiled a little as Eddie approached him. He held his hand out and Buck subtly took a breath for taking Eddie’s hand. Eddie tugged him up and down the hallway, Buck trying to fight down his nerves as he followed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When they made it into the room, Eddie moved around with ease, grabbing the clothes that he slept in and going about his nightly routine. He tossed Buck an extra pair of sweatpants and a shirt, sending a wink his way. Normally, that would’ve made Buck blush, but since he was so freaked out about having to admit something so embarrassing to Eddie, he just attempted a numb smile before changing. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I normally sleep on the left side,” Eddie said. “It’s closer to the door, in case Chris needs me.” Buck just nodded. Eddie furrowed a brow and moved closer to Buck. “Are you okay? You’re being weirdly quiet.” Buck just looked down at his toes, shame flooding through him. He needed to tell Eddie but felt so embarrassed that he wanted to run out of the house in shame. “Buck? If this is too much we can…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I sleep with a lamp on,” Buck mumbled, cutting Eddie off.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Huh?” Buck sighed, looking up at Eddie. His boyfriend just had a confused look on his face, so Buck took a breath before raising his voice. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I sleep with a lamp on.” Eddie just nodded, some confusion on his face. “I just...I can’t sleep in the dark. I don’t...I just can’t.” Eddie just nodded again and Buck felt that horrible shame that ran through him when he had to explain that stupid phobia to someone. He gripped his hands into fists, ready for whatever cruel comment was coming. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But it never did. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Eddie simply walked over to the lamp on his bedside table and turned it on. Then, he crossed to the light switch and flicked it off, bathing the room in the soft glow of the lamp. Buck just stared at him as his fists unfurled, confusion crossing his face. He was still expecting Eddie to make some sort of comment about it. But as Eddie got into bed, still not commenting about the lamp, Buck felt himself grow more confused.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you joining me?” Eddie asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But what?” Eddie asked. “You want the lamp on so it’s on. Now come on, we have a long shift tomorrow.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t…” Eddie tilted his head, the confused look back on his face. “I don’t understand.” Eddie got up and crossed to Buck. “You’re not mocking me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Buck, why would I ever do that?” Eddie asked gently. Buck’s lip quivered and he sniffed, trying to fight the tears that were threatening to spill over. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Because everyone else did.” Eddie frowned sadly and Buck could feel his resolve starting to crumble.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Come here,” Eddie whispered. Buck’s resolve cracked wide open, the dam bursting as Eddie pulled him closer. He hid his face in Eddie’s neck, trying to muffle the sobs as they bubbled up. Eddie just whispered comforting words, his voice slowly calming Buck down. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I…” Buck started, when he finally calmed down, but Eddie silenced him with a kiss. When Eddie pulled away, he let his forehead rest against Buck’s.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“After the well I couldn’t sleep in the dark,” Eddie said, his hands coming to rest on Buck’s shoulders. Buck’s fingers fell to the bottom of Eddie’s shirt, playing with the fabric as he listened. “It reminded me too much of being stuck down there, of feeling like I was trapped and never getting out. So, I understand Buck. And I’m sorry that other people didn’t but I do and I would never judge you for this.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Buck whispered. Having Eddie be so understanding about this reminded Buck how lucky he was to be with someone who accepted him as he was. It filled Buck with the kind of love that he didn’t know how to express. So, he pressed his lips to Eddie’s, hoping a kiss could express not only how he felt in the moment, but how he felt about Eddie always. He loved him, with every fiber of his being. And when Eddie’s hands came up to Buck’s neck, tilting his head down to deepen the kiss, Buck knew that Eddie loved him too. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on,” Eddie said, tugging Buck towards the bed. Buck just followed, a warmth emanating through him. As they laid down, Eddie wrapped his arms around Buck, pulling him close. Buck couldn’t help but burrow closer to his boyfriend, feeling safe lying in his arms. He felt Eddie press a gentle kiss to the crown of his head and Buck just tightened his hold around Eddie. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You know,” Eddie said, a smile crossing his lips. “Chris has been raving about these little stars you stick to the ceiling that glow in the dark. I might have to test them out before I get them for him. Maybe you can help me stick them to the ceiling in here.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Really?” Buck asked, glancing up at Eddie. Eddie just nodded. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We could build a whole galaxy on the ceiling,” Eddie said, gently running his hand up and down Buck’s back. Buck just watched him, the warmth flowing from head to toe.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’d be a galaxy just for us?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’d build everything for us.” Buck closed the space between them and kissed him, his arm gripping Eddie’s bicep. Eddie hummed happily into the kiss, his hand now mapping little circles along Buck’s back. As Buck pulled away, a smile crossed his lips. Eddie just smiled back, an adoring twinkle in his eyes. Buck then let his head drop down to Eddie’s shoulder. The gentle circles Eddie was drawing on his back was starting to lull him to sleep.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And with the lamp on and the comfort of his boyfriend’s arms wrapped around him, it took Buck no time at all to drift off to sleep.</span>
  <span></span>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
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